The President's Test For Physical Fitness

Once upon a time me and Vudi met

A major American rock star in a shop

We were immediately jealous of his hair

And his fuel-injected sports cock

He made the usual stupid sexual jokes

About the way he comes on top

But I could tell it was a lie

By the way that he walked

How did you pass the President's Test

Even if I can't match your ability to compete

At least give me a chance to cheat

He said, "Are you losers making fun

Of our serious vocation?

You just gotta bring the music to the people man

And then go score a hole in one."

The pleasures of a treadmill and the factory

Took all the innocence from his eyes

Leaving him to spurt unashamed

By the size of his dull surprise

How did you pass the President's Test

I never felt honest telling those virutous lies

And my toupee always gets into my eyes

How do you pass the President's Test

I don't even want to know my score

I don't know who's telling me the truth anymore

I said, "The only thing that we're good for

Is being forgotten."

And I know you're big enough of a star

To make sure that the job gets done

How do you pass the President's Test

I swear one day they'll build a monument

To the man with the most reasons for his embarrassment

How do you pass the President's Test

No I don't even want to know my score

I don't know who's telling me the truth anymore