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Don't bring the milk in

Leave it on the porch

Don't read the papers

Don't mow the lawn no more

Drive to the market

At the break of dawn

Watch 'em unload the produce

Then ride right back home

It's the white man's burden

And it weighs a ton

I'm a family man

Model citizen

Torment the mailman

Terrorize the maid

Try to teach 'em some manners

Whip 'em into shape

Down in the basement

I've got a Craftsman lathe

Show it to the children

When they misbehave

It's the white man's burden

And it weighs a ton

I'm a family man

Model citizen

I'm a law-abiding man

I'm a good Samaritan

I pay my taxes when I can

Model citizen

In the cool of the evening

When the sun goes down

My wife's playing canasta

With everyone in town

When I feel the pressure

And I need a break

Load up the Winnebago

Drive it in the lake

It's the white man's burden

And it weighs a ton

I'm a family man

Model citizen