This Is Calm

So, this is calm

Should I feel optimistic?

Should I greet the sun with a smile?

Because as it is I roll to my side

And I lay there

For a good long while

So this is calm

Should I feel ok?

And should this 'ok' set my inspiration reeling?

Should I feel like I am pulled in all directions

I feel no pull

I feel nothing

I ride the train from Queens to Morningside

I keep my eyes straight ahead, keep my face dignified

But is this linear or a downward slide?

This is calm

When I asked you to leave

You threw your wine at the wall

And it bled down, red on white

My stomach did not turn

I could not match your tears

I just stood there thinking, 'what a beautiful sight!'

I ride the train from Queens to Morningside

I keep my eyes straight ahead, keep my face dignified

But is this linear or a downward slide?

This is calm

I guess I should feel like

I can do anything

But, I can't do anything at all

I can't do anything

but fall down on my knees

at the whims of my dreams

I can't do this to myself anymore

Stay so strong and still

This is my voice!

I wonder why I can't feel this

I wonder why I can't feel this

I wonder why I can't feel this

Questions in my throat

I don't know how

I don't know how to live

But I will learn

To live

To stand

To breathe

To taste

To love

I will move on