1-900-sheila

Cledus T. Juss/Bruce Burch/Vern Dant, La-Po Music (BMI)/Bruce Burch Music (SESAC)/Music Genesis (ASCAP)

He-he-he-he-he lets see here now...one...nine hunderd...

Hm-hm-hm boy, I sure hope I get a purdy'n.

Maybe she'll look like Terry Clark or Faith Hill or somebody.

Hm, hope this ain't a party line.

Here we go!

Ha-ha. I's laid up 'na house watchin' C.M.T.

Thought I'd have a late night snack

So I headed to the kitchen on a commercial break

When sup'm called me back

It was the sexiest voice that I'd ever heard

Comin' out of my television set

Said, "Call now, you can hear me live

And I'll tell ya 'bout my naughtiness."

So without hesitation or further ado

I grabbed a hold of my Visa

And dialed the number flashin' on my screen

1-900-SHEILA

You can tell it all to me

I'm your phone fantasy

1-900-SHEILA

...Ohhhh man! Aaahh

So I kicked back the recliner

And on the second ring

She whispered, "Hello. This is Sheila.

Your credit card number, please."

I said, "How much will it cost

For this here trip to paradise?"

She said, "You can't put a price on love"

That's another $4.98 minute went bye

After an hour of conversation

She had me chewin' on the receiver

Well, I worked up a sweat, I's out of breath

Over 1-900-SHEILA

You can tell it all to me

I'm your phone fantasy

1-900-SHEILA

Like a man possessed I dialed her number

Mornin' noon and night

And slowly but surely we fell in love

As my phone bill shot out of sight

After so many costly heart to hearts

I just had to meet her face to face

She wouldn't give me her home address

So I had her number traced. He-he.

Well, I thought it'd lead to a passion palace

Some penthouse in the sky

And, I must admit I was a little let down

When I found her in a double wide

...A double wide???

That beauty that I envisioned

That goddess that drove me crazy

Answered the door with a cigar in her mouth

And weighin' in at over two eighty. He-he-ho!

They say love conquers all, well I reckon it's true

Even when it's for a fee

We said I do, and now were one

Though she makes two of me

And she talks to me no charge

Every time she takes a breather

And I'll never have to work

As long as all you jerks dial

1-900-SHEILA

You can tell it all to me

I'm your phone fantasy

1-900-SHEILA

...I love you baby. Come here to me. Smooch-smooch