Dear Abby

Dear Abby,

Got a problem.

I'm a decent, underpaid, hardworking county coroner.

It's important that my family eat meat at least three times a week.

But we just can't afford to with the prices the way they are.

So I bring home some choice cuts from my autopsy subjects.

Just mix in the Tuna Helper...and ta-da!

The whole family thinks my new meals are delicious.

They ask me what's my secret.

Abby, I think they're getting suspicious.

My smart-ass 8-year-old keeps asking, "Where's all the meat?

The red dye #2 kind that's kept in the fridge."

If they find out the truth I don't think they'll understand.

Abby, what do I tell my family?

DEAR REAGANOMICS VICTIM:

Consult your clergyman.

Make sure the body's blessed and everything should be just fine.