Barking Up The Wrong Tree (such Is Life)

I love those great big blue eyes

I love those laughter lines

Round about where an ill wind blows

That's where for me it shines

And I have no inhibitions

That I wish to, put on

If I did what would I inhibit

A painting I've never done

And such is life as Ned once said

However let's be clear

If you think that a noose round my neck

Makes a happy man of me

You're barking up the wrong tree

And I hare those cold damp mornings

Despite a good night's sleep

Stepping out when it's still not light

Feels like I should retreat

And as for those glamour model types

Who when they strut their stuff

Look about as dressed as a naked chef

Making his powder puff

And while we're on the subject

Where in God's name have you been

I've been waiting around for hours

If you think it's good for me

You're backing up the wrong tree

And to the idiots who say for tusks

Killing elephants is not unjust

Don't you wish a herd would come along

And overrule them

Can't for the life of me see

How marksmen armed with guns

Think a man with a table leg

As threatening to either one

And yet as marksmen, surely

Assuming as I've said

That there is some doubt

They must take him out

Who do it in the head?

And such is life as Ned once said

However let's be clear

If barking mad's where you think I'm from

Take a little tip from me

You're barking up the wrong tree