Pirate In A Box

On nights like this, when the sea's a bit amiss

And the lights go down across the seaside village

I get down, I feel had

I feel on the verge of going mad

And then it's time to loot and pillage

I put on me eyepatch, and swab up the poop deck

And pull the wig down on me head

YARRR

Suddenly I'm Captain Midwest Midnight Checkout Wench

Until I keelhaul and put meself to bed

Ahoy! ...matey

I look back on where I'm from

Look at the scalawag I've become

And the strangest things seem suddenly routine

I look up from me grog on the rocks

A gift-wrapped wig still in the box

Of scurvy velveteen

I put on me eyepatch, and polish me pegleg

And pull the wig down from the shelf

YARRRRR

Suddenly I'm Miss Delahaye 1663

Until I keelhaul and turn back to meself

Ahoy, avast, scurvy dog

Some wenches they have natural ease

They wear it any way they please

With their parrot curls and perfumed treasure chests, ha ha

Wear it up, blow me down

This is the best way that I've found

To be the scurviest you've ever seen

I put on me eyepatch and lower the anchor

I'm pulling the wig down from the shelf

YARRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Suddenly I'm Miss Saucy Booty from the sea

Until I keelhaul and I turn back to meself

Yarrrr!!

Chum, grog, jolly roger, barnacles and stew

Cutlass curls, bilgerats, it's all because of you

With your Davy Jones' locker, and your hook and eyepatch, too

Arr, yarr, darr, ahoy, it's all because of you

It's all because of you, it's all because of you

AH-HARRR

Fire the cannon!

Yarrr, land ho matey!

Okay, everyone:

I put on me eyepatch, and shiver me timbers

I'm pulling the wig down from the shelf

YAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Suddenly I'm this buccaneer of land and sea

And I ain't never... I'm never sailing back!

YARRR!! YARRR!!