The Pool Song

May the Lord upon high who rules the sky

Look down on our pubs and bars

And the women and men all seated within

Neglecting their pints and their jars

The crack it is bad, the atmosphere sad

Every man has a face like a mule

For all he can do is to grab an old cue

And start playing that game of pool

Well, when I was a boy it was always me joy

To go to the pub each night

There were arguments scraps and killings perhaps

And everyone thought he was right

There were badgers and dogs

And men from the bogs

And young fellows acting the tool

But now there's no crack

For everyman Jack

Has his arse in the air playing pool

To the local ale house after milking the cows

Every customer made his way

And there he would dwell and drink till he fell

While the fiddles and pipes they did play

The jigs and the reels, the rattling of heels

Polkas and slides were the rule

But now there's no chance of a tune or a dance

For everyone's playing the ould pool

Well, this pool you will find is a game designed

For foolish illiterate louts

You push in four bob and you pull an old knob

And a big shower of balls they come out

They're placed on a table and then if you're able

To knock them all into a hole

More money goes in, you start over again

And you lose every bob of your dole

Now in the Irish Free State

All the people are bate

From watching and playing this game

In their necks they have cricks

That no doctor could fix

And their backs and their shoulders are maimed

Their arses protrude in a manner most lewd

From being hoisted aloft in the air

And their eyeballs are sore

And dripping in gore

And they act in a manner most quare

So if you meet a young man

Who's face it is wan

And his eyes have a vacant stare

His jawbone is slack

And his head is thrown back

And he can't tell a cob from a mare

His nostrils dilated, his brow corrugated

His manners like those of a fool

On your shirt you can bet

That you have just met

A man that's gone plain mad from pool